puffy_wuffy

Michael Ouellette was living in a different state from his wife for a while (maybe still is, as she had a teaching job elsewhere). Kate Mulgrew lives in NYC when she's doing shows, while her hubby Tim Hagan lives in Ohio (he's in office there). I had a friend when I first started working whose wife was finishing her PhD in California while he worked in MA. I'm, of course, in NYC most of the time while my fiance is still in MA. But all these are circumstances of necessity, and I think, given the chance, most or all couples living apart would choose to live together if they could. The one in the article seems to me quite oddball. Certainly I appreciate just being around my SO (and he does too; he complains bitterly every time I leave).

Here's to hoping you and 7bliss can live together soon.

My parents have done a quasi-live-apart thing since, basically, I was born -- my dad works in Baltimore, MD and my mom works 3 hours' drive away in Charlottesville, VA. I grew up in C'ville but we keep a place in Baltimore which is basically dad's pad for the 3-4 days a week he needs to be in Baltimore (he teaches at JHU). So when I was growing up he typically left on Sunday night and came back Wednesday evening or Thursday. It was a bit weird, I guess, but in retrospect he may have seen more of us when he was around than your standard 9-6 commuter dad would have. I suppose it also helped that he and mom, both being professors, got summers off and so he was pretty much around all summer.

I had a couple of friends in high school in similar situations -- my friend J's dad was a psychiatrist in Petersburg, VA (2 hours east) so his folks kept 2 separate places, and my friend H's dad was an airline pilot and gone 5-6 days at a time. I haven't kept up with these friends particularly well but as far as I know their parents are still married. And my parents have been through some rough patches but are still married. It's possible that living apart for half the week (during the school year) has helped. Though I wouldn't go as far as the author of that article -- she seems to spend a lot of time in the article justifying her own extremely odd situation (2 apartments in the same city?) rather than opening it out to probably more likely living-apart situations.

one thing that article makes me wonder is how often it's actually financially reasonable to do that. The article talks about the guy having a rent stabilized place in NYC. Would it be nearly as reasonable if they were living in houses in, I don't know, vermont?

If the truth be told, there are oft-times (some more than others) that we all wish we weren't married or at least weren't married to the person we're married to. However, because of "the conventional way", "what would the family/neighbor/friends think if we didn't live together", or even more to the point, "what would he/she do when I'm not there, i.e. who would be sleeping in "my bed" with her/him are major reasons why more don't do this. Yeah, money plays a big part with 2 households but what price can one place on harmony, the marriage staying together? I personally love living with the person I live with without the hassle of being told what to do by "the man" but that's another story in and of itself, isn't it? Leave 'em alone. It works for them. As long as it doesn't negatively affect the kids (and apparently it is the "normal" for them and they don't have a problem with it) - just go about your business and let them go about theirs. Oh - and this reply isn't really a reply to the thread it got attached to - I couldn't figure out how to go back to the original thread (the one about the married couple living separate). Thanks for listening to my opinion - and I'll continue to listen to yours.